I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
