So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
