I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
