It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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