Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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