HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize