do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
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You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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