I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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