I'm really into asian looking animals
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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