I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he thought i was a dude.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
