My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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