The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
