Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
