you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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