How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
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My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
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If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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