ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
