I'm gonna have a badass scar
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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