planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
