I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
