I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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