I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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