Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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