Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
