party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
