Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
