Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
