My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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