you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm jealous of your bromance
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
