From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
