i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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