WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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