I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
