I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
