He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
