So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
