I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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