Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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