if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize