That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
