Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
