Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My vagina just clenched in fear
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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