i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
