Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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