Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
