If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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