i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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