Soap is not a condiment
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life