You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins