I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.