speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird