I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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