You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
