Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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