I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
