i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
