We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
