She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
