dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
