Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
