you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
