but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
